Oh, Chucky Cheese. As a child I adored Chucky Cheese. Everything about that musical mouse was magic. My sister and I used to look forward to visiting our grandparents in Kansas City, where we no doubt would visit our rodent friend. All I remembered was great music, fantastic pizzan and games galore. Then I became the parent.
I had two hours to kill in Kansas last night. It was Cameron's night with his mother, who lives off Metcalf, half an hour from us. I had offered to watch my 3 year old nephew, and needed something "kid friendly" to pass the time. I remembered my friend, Renee, mentioning there was a Chucky Cheese on Metcalf. Oh, the luck! As Gloria had no plans for Cameron, we decided to take all 4 children, Soph, Sam, Cam and Blake, to play. A mass of screaming children ages zero to way too old to be there greeted us at the door. We were given "invisible" black light stamps to ensure our children's safety. I waited in line 15 minutes to buy my "bargain" package of 4 drinks, a pizza, and 100 tokens of fun for $45. I handed my credit card to the 13 year old behind the desk who immediately wanted to know what kind it was. "Credit" I replied. She looked at me like I was stupid. "No, I mean Visa, Mastercard...?" I returned the "your stupid" look and encouraged her to look at the massive Visa logo on the front. After finding a table to park our pile of coats and car seats, I handed the kids all 100 of their tokens. Shortly after Sophia started passing them out to random strangers, I decided to take them back. I spent the evening sitting across from Rob's "baby momma" making small chit chat about our kids and checking out the high class of meth moms in tub tops and dirty long haired baby daddy's. The mechanical singing animals were not even close to the magical friends I saw as a child. Instead, they were broken down, chipped, pieces of crap. Their chopping movements and eerie singing was something right out of a horror movie. After watching Gloria panic over the kids running freely out of sight, I assured her that Chucky Cheese had taken precautions to protect our kids. Our invisible stamps were to be matched at the door before we were allowed to leave. I was excited to see our pizza arriving as I hadn't ate all day. Another 13 year old set down a $20 reheated frozen pizza that they had taken the time to burn the shit out of. It took some time gather the kids, get them seated, and convince them that the food in front of them was, in fact, a pizza. We let them play for another hour or so before checking out the prize selection. This is where Sophia decided she had to go to the bathroom. Gloria offered to take her as I had my hands full with Sam and coats. After ten minutes I started to grow curious of their whereabouts. Glancing towards the door I saw Gloria frantically waiving at me. I guess the delicious pizza didn't sit well with Sophia. I entered the restroom to find her half naked with diarrhea running down her backside and legs. Gloria's arms and hands were covered as she had tried to clean up the mess herself. I ran out to my car to grab Blake's overnight bag, praying that Kate had packed extra clothes. After washing Sophia in the sink, we redressed her in Blake's pajamas and shuffled the kids back to the prize selection. I took our tickets to the cash in machine where I began shoving crumpled paper into a vacuum made by NASA. I was too worried about the thing eating my hand to notice it wasn't counting my tickets. The damn thing ate 15 or so before I noticed it was broken. I then waited in line for an additional 15 minutes for the only working machine in the place. I was wrong to assume the kids would have their prizes picked out by the time I got finished. After an additional 10 minutes of trying to explain why we couldn't buy anything on the "5000 tickets" shelf I made a fast selection of crap. For 126 tickets you may buy, a bracelet made out of twine, one fake tattoo, a plastic miniature frog, and a sheet of 4 stickers. I divided up the prizes and we made our way to the exit. I immediately panicked when I realized during the chaotic bathroom cleanup Gloria and I had accidentally washed our invisible stamps off our arms. The 14 year old they had on security took a quick look at me and said, "I trust you." As he removed the red rope out of my way I screamed in my mind "You do?! Seriously?!" I had spent the last two hours convincing Gloria the kids were fine because there was no way employees of "The Cheese" would let them leave with a stranger. All trust I had in my children's protection was washed away with those three little words. I left Chucky Cheese, tired, broke, and dying for a cigarette. My kids feel asleep in the car talking about all the fun they had and the fantastic prizes they won. I had to smile imaging a young Tamera and I riding home from what must have been our parents day of hell at Chucky Cheese. When we pulled into the driveway Sophia asked me when we were going back. I told her as soon as her Nanni and Papa wanted to take them.
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